


I Remember You

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Rumlow being and ass, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 06:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17844173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Bucky wants to get better, but needs help.  What better person to help than Sam.  Everything after Winter Soldier didn't happen.





	I Remember You

**Author's Note:**

> I used the "Who the hell is Bucky" line, but Tony says it. This is nothing but self-indulgent fluffiness. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I make sure these guys have a good one.

Bucky starts remembering things slowly. At first, it’s more feelings about things, than actual memories.  But slowly, memories start to attach to those feelings and he’s got disjointed memories attached to feelings he can’t straighten out. 

Of course, he knows that he could just go to Steve and ask, but why do anything the easy way. He tries to think of someone he could talk to, but the only name that comes to mind is Natalia and that is a definite no.  She would probably put a bullet in him and then tell Steve he attacked her and she had no choice.  So no.

After watching Steve for several months, he makes a decision. Not really knowing what to expect, but also knowing that even without weapons, he could take Sam Wilson, he shows up at Sam’s house at 6 AM on a Saturday.  He’s been watching Sam for weeks and every other Saturday Sam gets up at the same time, like he’s going running with Steve, but he doesn’t go.  He fixes a big breakfast and eats it on the patio out back, while looking through photographs.  He’ll run with Steve tomorrow instead, but on these days, he wants to look at pictures of a man in a similar set of wings. 

Bucky will never tell Wilson this, but he broke in one night and looked through the pictures. They are labeled Riley and taken during the Iraqi War.  So, he’s standing on Wilson’s door step, weaponless and more nervous than he’s been in awhile.  Wilson slides the door open and immediately takes a defensive stance.  Bucky raises his arms as though surrendering and looks at Wilson.  Whatever the man sees in Bucky’s eyes makes him step aside and allow the Winter Soldier to enter his home.

“Look man, if you’re going to kill me, would you do me a favor and not do it here? Take me out back or somewhere else, but don’t make it so my mom finds blood everywhere.” 

Bucky flinches. “I don’t do that anymore.”

“Well forgive me for being doubtful, but you know, last time we met, you kinda wanted me dead.”

Bucky just nods, interlocks his fingers behind his head and gets on his knees on the living room carpet. “I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.”  Sam is confused and alarmed by Bucky’s position.  “I’m just confused and don’t know what’s real and what’s not.  I need help.”

Sam sits in a dining room chair and just looks at the man kneeling in his living room trying to figure out how this insanity is his life. “And you didn’t go to Steve why exactly?”

“Most of the confusing memoires have to do with him. I want to understand before I see him.”  He looks up at Sam.  “Will you help me?”

Sam pulls his hands down his face. “I must be out of my fucking mind, but yeah man, I’ll help.”  He scrunches up his face.  “Now get off my god damn floor and eat something.”

Bucky sleeps for two days in Sam’s guest room and Sam promises not to tell Steve, although that promise is hard fought. The night of the second day, Bucky sits on the porch with Sam.  “You want to tell me what’s got you so tied up that you can’t see Steve yet?”

Bucky is silent for a long time, but decides that that he came here for help and if he doesn’t tell the truth, it was all for nothing. “It started with feelings that I couldn’t place.  Then the feelings turned into memories, but I’m not sure if the memories are real or not.”

Sam offers him a beer. Bucky takes it and drinks.  “Tell me about the memories and we’ll see  if we can piece some things together.”

“I think I loved him.” Bucky is staring off into space, but is aware that Sam is looking at him critically.

“Well yeah man, you two grew up together.” He’s fishing for context, but hopes Bucky doesn’t know that.

Bucky knows that. “You know what I mean, Wilson.”

Sam chuckles. “Yeah, I do, but needed to be sure I wasn’t misunderstanding.  How do you feel about him now?”

“Like I’m not really living without him.” It comes out without thought and Bucky knows it’s true.  “But I have memories of us…you know…together, but I don’t think that’s real.”

Sam leans back in his chair and contemplates the stars. “The mind is a terrible and wonderful thing, my friend.  Sometimes, when we suffer a trauma and buddy you are the definition of trauma, the brain creates scenarios to help us cope.  Like someone telling a kid a bedtime story to make them forget about the monster they think is in the closet.”

Bucky nods. That makes sense.  “Yeah, except I’m the monster in the closet.”

“But even the monster deserves a happy ending.” They don’t talk again.  Eventually Sam goes to bed and Bucky sits, thinking about the memories.  They are nice.  Real or not, they are very nice.

 

Days pass and Bucky keeps talking to Sam. Sam, to his credit, lets Bucky do most of the talking at first and restrains from asking questions, but tonight is different.  Sam has grilled steaks and Bucky is fixing a salad, guided by Sam.  Bucky remembers very clearly not having things like this growing up.  “No Sam, I’m serious.  We boiled everything.  Fresh vegetables were not something we had very often.”

“Okay look, I get it, it was simpler during the Depression, but I gotta tell you, it sounds like it sucked.”

Bucky laughs and it occurs to Sam that he hasn’t heard him do that before. “Oh it definitely sucked.  Except for Stevie.  Steve was the bright spot in all of that.”

“Even sick all the time?” Sam just wants to see how deep the feelings go.

“Even then. Don’t get me wrong, it was terrifying when he was sick.  Sarah, his mother, and I were always expecting this time to be the time he doesn’t come through it okay.”  Bucky is cutting into his steak and taking a bite, pausing to savor the flavor. 

Sam puts his utensils down and stares that The Winter Soldier. “Can I ask you something and you’ll just answer it?”  Bucky nods.  “What are you afraid of?  Why didn’t you just go to Steve?”

He swallows. “Because I’m afraid that I’m really confused and would just kiss him.  I’m sure now that the ‘memories’ I have are what I wanted to be real, but wasn’t.”

He picks his fork back up and takes a bite. “Be that as it may, Barnes, I don’t think a man searches all over the world for someone that’s just a friend.”

It’s Bucky’s turn to put his fork down. “It makes sense to me.  When you’ve lost everything and everyone?  Then suddenly a part of that other life comes back.  Yeah, you hunt that shit down and don’t let go.”

“I think you’re just trying to convince yourself that he can’t possibly feel the way you do because it’s easier.” Bucky keeps eating and doesn’t respond.  Sam lets it go.

 

It’s been nearly four months since Bucky came to him and Sam is willing to admit that The Winter Soldier makes one hell of a roommate. He’s learned to cook and keeps the house spotless.  Sam comes home from the VA and dinner is usually on the table.  They have talked more than any other vet that Sam has worked with.  It’s obvious how much Bucky wants to be better.  “I just want to feel human again and not like a weapon ready to go off.”

Sam takes a bite of the chicken alfredo and hums around the fork. “Damn this is good.”  Bucky grins.  “I understand what you mean.  I’ll never fully understand how you feel because I haven’t been through what you have, but I get the meaning behind the words.”

“Can I ask you something, Wilson?”

“Sure man, anything.” Sam takes another bite and looks blissed out.

“Who is Riley?”

Sam almost chokes before taking a drink to help. “Uh…well…he was a friend.  My wingman.  I lost him in our last mission.”

“Then you do understand struggling to find a new path when the old one ends suddenly?”

Sam smiles. “Yeah, I guess I do.”  They finish dinner and sit quietly on the back porch.  “I think you need to see him.  He’s still searching for you, you know and it’s really hard to keep this from him.”

Bucky takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m just scared I won’t be the guy he remembers.”

Sam chuckles. “Well, I can help you there.  I told him you weren’t going to be the same guy, that you might never be that guy again.”

Bucky sits up and looks hard at Sam. “And?”

“The self-sacrificing asshole told me that he knew that, didn’t expect you to be the same guy and then, swear to god, said, ‘I don’t care if he’s ever that Bucky again.  I want the Bucky he is now to come home.’  Can you believe that shit?” 

Bucky started laughing. “Actually yeah, I can.  That’s Steve.  The real Steve.”

“What do you mean the real Steve?” Sam’s curious.

“All of you have this idea of who Steve is, but it’s all based in him being Captain America. That’s not Steve.  Captain America is Steve Rogers, but Steve Rogers is not Captain America.”

Sam is struck dumb for a minute. The only Steve he knows is serious and focused.  Always on top of everything and never swayed by others if he knows he’s right.  Bucky talks about him like he’s human and that’s why Sam realizes that he’s guilty of it too.  He loses sight of Steve sometimes in favor of following Captain America.  Something he swore he’d never do.  “You need to see him.  Whether you realize it or not, he needs you more than even he knows.”

 

The decision is taken out of his hands a few days later when he and Sam are in New York. Sam is there because a meeting of the Avengers was called and Bucky came because he knows it’s time.  The Avengers are on alert, Bucky is sitting in a café having coffee when the attack happens.  There’s an explosion and Bucky is up and moving.  He yells for the patrons of the café to stay inside and get to the back kitchen and runs into the street. 

Two blocks down a building has been gutted by the explosion and Bucky is running straight into the fray. He’s helping people up and getting them to safety when Iron Man zooms overhead.  For a split second his chest seizes because he knows what it means.  His phone buzzes.  “Yeah.”

“I’m coming up on your six man and I’ve got stuff for you.” Wilson lands just behind him within seconds.  He hands him an earpiece and a gun.  “He doesn’t know you’re here, but we could use the help.” 

“I need to be high.”

Sam takes off and circles back around. Bucky lifts his arms and Sam sweeps him up and deposits him on the roof.  Bucky checks the sights on the rifle and starts making calculations.  With the precision of The Winter Soldier, he begins picking off the bad guys.  It feels good to be on the right side. 

That’s when he sees him. Throwing the shield and looking like a ballet dancer instead of the bringer of justice.  Bucky pauses for just a second to watch.  “Fuck Stevie, you’re gorgeous.”  Steve freezes.  He can’t believe he forgot he has the earpiece in and that he spoke out loud.  That’s when he sees the guy coming from behind _his_ Stevie and takes him out in one shot.

“Who the fuck was that?” Tony sounds frantic.

“Bucky?” Steve is back in the fight, but seems to be scanning the surrounding buildings.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Tony is even more frantic now.

“Sorry I’m late to the party punk, but I got ya covered while you do stupid shit.”

Steve laughs with a giddy joy he hasn’t felt in ages. “Just don’t shoot me in the ass, jerk.”

“Well, your ass is kind of distracting.” And another bad guy goes down.

“Are you flirting with me, Barnes?” The shield goes flying and knocks a guy to the ground.

“I’m trying. How’s it workin out for me?”  Bucky shoots the guy before he can get back up.

“Oh it’s workin. Better than you know.”  Steve does a leap, with a twist and knocks another guy out.

“When did you get so bendy, Steven?” Bucky scans the surrounding buildings for snipers.

“We get out of this in one piece and I’ll show you bendy.” Steve leaps over a car and disappears into a building.

“Promises, promises.” Bucky scans the front of the building and sees a guy throwing something inside.  He shoots while shouting.  “Incoming!”  For the next several minutes he holds his breath.

Steve comes running out carrying a child. “Can’t get rid of me that easy.”

Bucky breathes again and chuckles. “Never wanted to get rid of you.”

Tony has finally had enough. “Cap, if you and your boyfriend are done, I think I could use your help.  We have him cornered.”

“He wouldn’t let you corner him, unless he has something up his sleeve.” He’s running down the street.  “He’s up to something and we need him alive.”

Bucky is also running across the rooftops, keeping pace with Steve. “Who are you after?”

“His name is Rumlow and he was Hydra hiding in SHIELD.” Steve sounds pissed.

Bucky freezes. “Brock Rumlow?”

Steve looks up at the roof. “You know him?”

“Yeah, he was one of my handlers.” Steve freezes in the street.  “Tony, be careful and whatever you do, bring him in alive.”  It’s said through gritted teeth and seething anger.

“I’m on it Cap.” It takes nearly another hour for the team to get him in magnetic cuffs. 

“Bucky, you want a ride back to the Tower with us?” Steve seems hopeful.

“I’m already there, just need someone to let them know I can come up.”

Tony passes that on to JARVIS and security gives him a pass card. He’s waiting on the roof when the Quinjet lands.  Steve is down the platform before it lands completely and runs for Bucky.  He drops the shield, but hesitates right before he gets to Bucky.  “What are you waitin for Stevie?  Don’t I get a hug.”

Steve’s in his arms before he finishes the question. “Don’t leave me again Buck, please don’t leave me again.”

Bucky tightens his hold and breathes in Steve. “Not goin anywhere, Stevie.  Not again.”  He pulls Steve impossibly closer.  “Especially if you meant what you said back there.”

“Meant every word.” Steve pulls back to look at him.  “’so ya know, always thought you were god damn beautiful and ya still are.”

“Okay, okay, okay, someone want to tell me what this is all about?” Tony is still in the Iron Man suit, but no helmet.

Steve never takes his eyes off Bucky. “Tony, this is Bucky, my best friend.”

A voice off to the side breaks the spell. “Also known as The Winter Soldier.”

Steve looks over at Natasha, who is holding a gun pointed at Bucky’s head. “Nat, I swear to god if you don’t put that gun down, I will make you.”  It’s rare that Steve sounds this threatening, but he will subdue her any way he has to in order to keep Bucky safe.

“Steve…”

He doesn’t let her finish and steps in front of Bucky. “No one and I mean no one will take him away from me again.”  There is such venom in his words that she lowers the gun.

“You don’t know him like I do.” She’s looking at him with such hatred.

Steve walks forward and points his finger like he’s going to poke her. “No Nat, you don’t know anything about Bucky.  I’ve known him since I was 6 and I’ll be damned if I let you judge him by what Hydra made him do.”

Tony starts. “Wait, this is THE James Buchannan Barnes?”

“Damn right it is.” Sam has been silent through all of the confrontation, but he can’t stay quiet anymore.  “For the last four months we’ve been working on some of his issues and I can tell you,”  He looks at Nat, “he ain’t who you seem to think he is.”

Steve looks surprised and hurt. “You what?”

Bucky takes Steve’s arm and turns him so he can see Bucky. “Don’t be mad at him, Steve.  I asked him to help me get my head on straight before I came back to you.”

Steve flushes with anger. “Can I have a minute with Bucky?”  The rest of the team steps away, but they don’t leave.  “Why Buck?”

“Cause Steve, I didn’t know if I was remembering things right and I needed to know if what I was feeling for ya was real or just wishful thinkin.” Bucky looks at the ground.

“And what are you feelin, Buck?” Steve step closer.

Bucky tries to find the words, but nothing seems appropriate, so he steps forward and kisses Steve for the first time. Steve starts again, but quickly melts into the kiss.  It’s chaste, at first, but soon gets heated when Sam clears his throat.  “You might want to save that for later, guys.”

They both chuckle. “Buck, you wanted this back then too?”

Bucky strokes his cheek. “More than you know.  But I’m right that we weren’t like this then, right?”

Steve is shaking his head. “Not because I didn’t want it, but I didn’t think you felt the same.”

Bucky nuzzles his cheek with his nose. “Oh I wanted, Stevie.”

“Uh Cap, we still have an interrogation.” Tony slack jawed at the fact that apparently Captain America is gay.  “Uh also, did my Dad know about this?”

Steve kisses Bucky quick and chaste again. “No, but Howard didn’t know much about me, just that I was Captain America.”

 

The interrogation isn’t going well. The agents inside don’t know how to deal with someone like Rumlow.  Bucky, Steve and other members of the team watch from outside.  Bucky is tense and weary of what Steve wants to do to the guy since finding out that he was one of the men that tortured him.  Tony, who went for coffee, comes back.  “I don’t think they are going to get anywhere with him.”

“What did he do, besides being Hydra, that has you on alert?” Bucky doesn’t really care, but figures it’s good to understand the situation.

“He stole a biological weapon and sold it, but we don’t know who he sold it to.” Steve is watching intently, but knows the agents aren’t going to get him to talk.

Rumlow looks at the mirror. “Why don’t you come in Cap and we can finish our fight.  Just going to stand there and watch?  Doesn’t seem like you, Cap.”

He’s being taunted and more than anything Steve wants to go in and beat him to a pulp. Just knowing what Bucky went through at the hands of these people makes him want the man dead.  “Let me go in.”  Steve is watching Rumlow, but realizes the team probably won’t let him go it alone.

“No Steve. Let me go in.”  Bucky is smirking.  “Rumlow loved torturing me, but he was always afraid of me.  He knows what SHIELD is capable of and he’s not afraid of that.  He also knows what I’m capable of and he’s terrified of that.”

Tony gives Steve a smirk. “What do you think, Cap?  Want to scare the piss out of Rumlow and watch him lose his shit?”

“Only if I go in first.” Tony nods and Steve heads to the door pulling Bucky behind him.

Bucky leans in and kisses him again. “Whatever you want, Cap.”

Steve opens the door and indicates for the agents to leave. Once the door is pulled to, Steve looks at Rumlow.  “Who did you sell the weapon to?”

“What no hello? Just straight to business.”  Brock sneers.  “You know there is nothing that SHIELD can do to me that will make me talk, but I would love to spend time with you.”

Steve chuckles. “I’m aware that you aren’t swayed by SHIELD techniques, Rumlow, but we have a new interrogator.”

“Please Cap, none of your agents can do anything to me that I didn’t teach them.” He’s laughing now.

“Oh, I know that, but this interrogator isn’t SHIELD.” The door slides open and Bucky walks in.  “This one has a score to settle with you and I’m going to let him.”

Rumlow isn’t cocky anymore, he, in fact, looks terrified. “No, no you can’t do this.  You’re above this kind of thing.”

Bucky smiles and there’s nothing pleasant about it. “I was above it until I found out you were one of the Hydra goons that tortured him.”

Bucky walks over to Steve and kisses his temple. “Thank you Stevie, for letting me have this.”

Steve looks at Bucky with pure adoration. “Anything for you Buck.  You do anything you want to him as long as we get the buyer.”  Steve turns to leave.  “You want Chinese for dinner?”

Rumlow is watching the interaction in disbelief. “Are you really going to leave me alone with him?”

“Of course I am.  I just wish I could put a bow around your neck.”  Steve looks back at Bucky.  “I’ll order and have a shower ready for you.”

“Thanks baby.” Steve leaves the room.  “Now, why don’t we see how much you can take before you break.”

“Wait, wait…I’ll talk.” Rumlow looks at the mirror.  “Just don’t leave me alone with him.  You don’t know what he can do.”

Rumlow does give up the name, but that doesn’t stop Bucky from taking a few frustrations out on his face. When he comes out of the room Tony is looking at him like it Christmas morning.  “So, you’re going to let me look at that arm, right?”

“In a few days maybe. Tonight I have a date.”  He starts out the door. 

“JARVIS will lead you to the right floor, Robocop.”

Bucky exits while calling behind him. “I don’t understand that reference.”

“Great, now we have two of them.” Tony mumbles as he walks out.

 

Bucky follows the lights to Steve’s floor and when he exits the elevator he can smell Chinese. He hasn’t eaten since this morning and his stomach lets him know that it’s past time.  “Steve?”

“In here, Buck.” It’s all so easy.  Like they are back in that tiny apartment in Brooklyn a lifetime ago.  Steve’s in the kitchen dishing up the food.  Seeing him there, like that, soft and comfortable, makes Bucky forget that he’s hungry for food.

He’s wearing pajama pants with kittens on them and a tank that should be illegal for him to wear. “Steve.”  It’s more a whisper, but Steve hears him and looks up grinning.  “I wasn’t lyin, punk, you are a god damn miracle.”

Steve doesn’t even respond, just kisses him. It’s heated and passionate and the hottest damn thing Bucky’s ever experienced.  “Missed you every day.”  Steve’s kissing down his neck and back up to his ear.  “This okay?  I’ll stop if you want.”

Bucky flips their position and pins Steve against the counter. “Don’t you fucking dare stop.”  He throws his neck back so Steve can mark it up more.  “Jesus, Stevie.  You’re killing me.”

Steve nuzzled into Bucky’s neck. “You know, we need to talk.”

Bucky clutched to his back, holding on for all he was worth. “Yeah, yeah, talking.”  Steve chuckled.  “Later talking, bed now.”

Steve pulls away, grabs his hand and pulls him through the living room and into the bedroom. “How do you want me?”

For a minute Bucky just stands there. He’d never actually thought that Steve would do whatever Bucky wanted.  In his mind, he would always be the one doing what Steve wanted.  “I…I’m not sure.”

Steve looked at him puzzled. “Buck?”

Bucky blushed. “I just thought you would be calling the shots on this.”

Steve pulls him into a tight embrace. “I want you to have anything you ever wanted.  I trust you to take care of me.”  He kisses the side of Bucky’s neck.  “Like you always did.”

Bucky pulls back and gives him the same smirk Steve remembers from their childhood. “In that case, I want to see you, Stevie.”  He quirks an eyebrow.  “All of you.”

Steve quickly strips his clothes away and crawls onto the bed giving Bucky a view of his perfectly round ass. “Holy fucking hell.  We are not leaving this bed for a good long time.”

Steve shakes his ass and looks over his shoulder. “What are you waiting for?”  Bucky crawls up behind Steve and kisses from his ass to his shoulder.  “Ah…god yes, Buck.”  They don’t leave the bed for several hours.

 

Steve wakes to Bucky softly snoring, pillowed on his chest. Legs intertwined and Bucky’s arm thrown over his middle.  It’s still dark outside and he simply basks in the feel of finally having everything he ever wanted.  “I love you, Bucky Barnes.  I hope you know that.”  He doesn’t say it loud enough to wake his partner, but wants the words out in the air.

“Love you too, punk. Now go to sleep.  Starin is creepy.”  Steve snuggles back down and allows himself to drift off again.


End file.
